The television is swarming with things that bother me. Sorry for the negativity that follows, but I think a lot of it is justified. Sample the following:
Morning news shows. Here's a recipe for any given morning show: 1. A wacky, outgoing correspondent reporting from some random local business while making the proprietors uncomfortable. 2. A male anchor back at the studio that laughs stiffly and uneasily at said correspondent's antics, and 3. A female anchor beside the male anchor reassuring everyone how fun and great this whole experience is, all the while contributing a few awkward courtesy chuckles whenever the male anchor thinks he has made a witty remark. Have I left anything out?
Car ads that refer to "less than perfect credit." We all know that it's a euphamism for awful credit, but hey, if all it takes is the phrase "less than perfect" to minimize your problems then I think you deserve them. "I didn't steal from that store. I merely had less than perfect honesty. And I didn't get caught. I had less than perfect stealthiness."
Ads for the Utah Disaster Kleenup:
It's not really the ad that bothers me. It's something else. . .
The creepy, soulless weather woman on Fox 13 news:
Something about her humorless, vacant stare just seems to say "I have aborted several of my pregnancies with my bare hands. I am bringing a gun to work tomorrow."
The fear-mongering that news programs do to draw in viewers. "Tonight, go inside Utah's plastic surgery craze. But does it always go as planned? Tune in for 'Nip, Tuck, Nightmare'." (The word nightmare will be written in crooked, sinister-looking letters.)
The obsessive habit that each news program has to put correspondents on location for every story. I swear to you, when they opened up a newly revamped street in Taylorsville, there was a correspondent there, at night, standing in front of that street, reporting on the improvements they made. Or whenever a 7-11 is held up. Do we really need the correspondent standing in front of it to tell us what's happened? And do we really know if the 7-11 behind them was the same one that got held up? I think its a little excessive.
I guess that's all for now. That was somewhat cathartic. Thank you.
The first morning show that sticks out is Fox 13's with Big Buddha. I'm guessing that isn't even his real name. What a scam.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been able to stomach local news since I started watching The Daily Show all those many years ago. That's the price we pay for having functional brains, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, listen to the news in my car on the way to work. I wish that annoying traffic announcers who try to jazz up their report in a pathetic attempt to get off the traffic beat and into the Hollywood gossip beat would spontaneously combust. All I want to know is whether my delay on the 495 is going to be insanely long. I don't need crazy sound effects.
I heart catharsis.
Scott . . . did you just apologize for being negative?
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this is hilarious! You hit the nail on the head and this is exactly why Trent and I don't watch the news much! Hey, we just made our blog private, but if you guys want to come and visit it, just send us your g-mail address. Mine is brooter1@gmail. Happy Valentine's Day!
ReplyDeleteAsh